An Empty Heart
by thestairwell
Summary: Blaine Anderson was sixteen when he first felt that there was something inherently wrong with his life. AU


**Notes:** I suppose I should warn for character death but honestly, all the stuff that comes before the death is much more depressing, plus the death is at the end of a long life so. Death by natural causes.

* * *

Blaine Anderson was sixteen when he first felt that there was something inherently wrong with his life. It wasn't a sudden flash which caught him off guard; rather, it was a quiet building up of things which felt off somehow, and really, it never went away.

It started on a Thursday. He was running late to one of the Warblers' 'impromptu performances', but even so he slowed a little at the bottom of the staircase. He looked around for a moment with a feeling that he was meant to be doing something important. Then he remembered that he was, in fact, meant to be doing something important, and by this point he was going to be really late for it, so he went the opposite way to all the students and ran the long way round. It was mercifully empty and he reached the senior commons only three minutes late.

A few days later, Blaine spent half his lunch period restlessly bouncing between conversations before his best friend suggested going for a walk or something. It was a good idea so he went for a walk, and only realised he was in his car and driving off campus without permission when he saw the first sign for the interstate. He wondered where his autopilot had been taking him, but he was going to be late for fifth period so he turned around.

**o0o**

Blaine wouldn't remember either of these events when he thought back on his life, but he would always remember his first show choir competition solos. He led both songs and the Warblers tied for first (Wes had been really annoyed by this, since this was the New Directions' first year competing, although he had approached the New Directions' coach with all the politeness of a Dalton gentleman). Reflecting on his performance on the bus ride back, Blaine decided he'd been only as good as he usually was, but he wasn't sure what he'd been missing to make himself even better, and he wondered if it was the same thing that kept him from fully enjoying himself at the Warblers' celebration party.

After this, Blaine found himself spending more time alone, choosing to watch _Chicago_ for the hundredth time instead of joining his house mates in a video game marathon, or dragging his friends out for Italian instead of arranging some possible songs for the Warblers to use for Regionals.

**o0o**

The week before Regionals, Blaine almost caused Wes to have an aneurysm when he suggested they change the set list to include something more emotional, something which would tug on the audiences' heartstrings more than 'Misery'. By the end of the meeting, Blaine had managed to talk them round to the Beatles' 'Blackbird' to honour their canary's death. Blaine was given both solos again, and he celebrated by watching every romantic movie he could get his hands on. When he realised he wanted someone to cuddle up with, he attributed it to his romance marathon, so he shook himself out of it and rejoined the rest of the boys in the common room.

For the first time in four years, the Warblers won Regionals, and then they went on to place sixth at Nationals.

**o0o**

It took until the following September for Blaine to stop being jealous of every couple he came across, but that was mostly because he was too busy being on the Warbler council (since he was a junior he was technically only the official minutes keeper but his opinion was valued and it was no secret that he would be head of the council next year so he wanted to prove he was more than capable) and fending off the advances of a sophomore transfer. Sebastian pursued him for the entire two years, ignoring every single one of Blaine's rejections.

After their loss to New Directions in Blaine's senior year (no matter how perfect the Warblers had been, there was no way they would win to original songs), Sebastian took advantage of Blaine's pitiful state, but the second Blaine realised exactly where Sebastian's hand was he broke the kiss and told Sebastian that, if he continued his harassment, Blaine would go to the dean and get Sebastian suspended at the very least.

So Sebastian left him alone, bar the occasional bitchy remark outside of Warbler practice. Still, graduation couldn't come fast enough, and Blaine was so excited to get to New York that he could almost ignore the way his hand wanted to reach out to a special someone who didn't exist.

**o0o**

New York was a whirl of excitement and Broadway and attractive men. Blaine didn't have much time for a boyfriend between classes and rehearsals and his job at a music store near his university, but he still managed to go on a lot of dates with a fair number of men who were just never quite right. He felt guilty for the shallow reasons (Byron was shorter than him, Steven didn't have nice enough eyes, Joel had a terrible fashion sense, George couldn't kiss him right no matter how much they did it) and justified for the deeper reasons (Kevin's sense of humour clashed, Luke didn't know anywhere near enough about Broadway or musicals, Rhys wasn't very attentive).

A year out of university, when all Blaine had going for him now was that job at the music store and auditioning for as many roles as he could, his friends pushed him to stick with a guy who could be an actual boyfriend, so he did. Aidan was a really nice guy, they were really compatible and they got along with each other's friends, but Blaine felt that he didn't mean 'I love you' anywhere near as much as Aidan did, and the break up three years later was awkward and painful and bitter because Aidan really did love Blaine and Blaine couldn't give him an explanation.

He threw himself into his work and his roles, some nights holding onto a pillow and some nights twisting his blankets around him and lying so his back was pressed against the headboard, and then eventually he slept normally again. After some time, he started dating again, and still he couldn't find a man who was quite right.

**o0o**

Blaine was thirty-two when he realised he was lonely in his apartment overlooking Central Park. He found himself watching moms and dads and Googling about adoption for single gay men. The next day, he adopted a dog, a shiba inu called Lizzie. They lived together for sixteen years.

After Lizzie was a black labrador called Sam who lived for thirteen years, and they moved to a bungalow outside the city; and after Sam was a beagle called Crystal who lived with him for nine years when Blaine was diagnosed with Stage 4 pancreatic cancer and Crystal was given to a lovely family whose children he'd babysat when they were in middle school. He visited her a lot, and as his cancer got worse the Berrys visited him in hospital with stories.

**o0o**

Blaine was both surprised and grateful for the six years he had before his death. He'd let go of most of his regrets some years ago, deciding he was too old to worry about the past, but he'd taken the initiative to repair his relationship with his brother. He and Cooper had managed five and a half years of friendship, even though they couldn't leave the nursing home Blaine lived in, or for the last few months the hospital.

He'd been feeling his body shut down slowly for months now, and he knew he didn't have long left at all. He had a private room which was a relief during the day; sleep came in spurts throughout the day and at least he didn't have the noise of the hospital waking him up as well as his own pain.

It was a Thursday, about one o' clock in the morning, when he opened his eyes from another light nap and saw a young boy standing by his bed.

"Hi," the boy said.

"Hello," Blaine replied. He tried to prop himself up on the bed, like he did when Cooper came to visit, but pain flared in his chest so he remained lying down. "Aren't you supposed to be with your parents?" he asked, not unkindly.

The boy smiled brightly. "No, I'm supposed to be with you."

Blaine blinked, confused. "How old are you? Where are your parents?"

"I'm eight. My parents died in a car crash."

"I'm sorry."

The boy's smile softened, and he looked at Blaine with a gentleness in his eyes that only came from years of experience. "Don't be sorry, Blaine. It's okay. I died, too." His expression grew sad. "I'm sorry you've been on your own."

"I don't understand," Blaine said.

"I wasn't supposed to die. We were supposed to meet at Dalton when we were sixteen. I've been looking over you for a long time now."

Blaine felt a little bit like he was wanted to cry.

"What's your name?" he asked.

"I'm Kurt. Can I hold your hand?"

Blaine nodded, and Kurt smiled beatifically as he reached out and wrapped his small hand around Blaine's. Blaine couldn't help but smile back.

"Why are you here now?" he asked. "If you've been watching me for seventy years."

"I think you know." He could guess. "I was supposed to wait for you but I didn't want to. A lot of things happened to us that weren't supposed to. And a lot of things that were supposed to happen to us didn't. I thought it was unfair." Kurt blushed and glanced away from Blaine's eyes for a moment. "And," he added softly, "I didn't want you to die alone."

Blaine didn't know if this was just a hallucination, but either way, it was nice to have some company.

"Thank you, Kurt," Blaine said, squeezing the boy's hand. He noticed how Kurt glowed when Blaine said his name.

"I love you, you know, Blaine," he said. "Do you think you might love me, too?"

Blaine chuckled, and his chest twinged in a way that should have been painful but wasn't. "Even though you're eight and I'm seventy-six?"

Kurt smiled cryptically. "You'll see." And after some silence, he said quietly, "I'm glad you had Rachel, though. She was something else that was supposed to happen."

"Tell me?"

Kurt tilted his head quizzically.

"Tell me what was supposed to happen?"

Kurt's smile was warm, and Blaine felt so happy, happier than he had ever felt in his life, that he almost wanted to cry.

"Of course, Blaine," he said, and then he did. He told Blaine about how he and his dad were supposed to survive the collision, how Kurt was supposed to join his school's glee club and he met Blaine when he went a little bit to spy on the Warblers but mostly to see if any boys there were gay. He skimmed over the sexual assault, which made both of them cry a bit, and told Blaine the highlights of before they started dating, which made Blaine chuckle because he never really grew out of his cluelessness, and spoke about their first kiss so lovingly that they cried again. He talked about proms and transfers and school productions and fights which only happened because they loved each other too much. He held Blaine's hand tighter in his excitement as he talked about moving to New York and college and more fights, about Blaine's first Broadway role, about his internship-then-job with Vogue which was the final stepping stone to launching his own fashion line. Blaine couldn't help but cry when Kurt told him about their children, for both of whom Rachel was surrogate, first at thirty-two and then at thirty-five.

The best things Kurt told him were the little things, like the routines they were supposed to have in the stages in their life, and stories from Thanksgivings and Christmases and birthdays that never happened. Kurt told him about how Blaine was supposed to have to beg for a dog and gang up on Kurt with their children, and how Kurt was supposed to relent when they moved out the city (although the dog they were supposed to get was a border collie called Floss).

Kurt told Blaine what their story should have been, had the world not killed him at eight years old, and Blaine had never been happier.

**o0o**

The machines flat lined at seven past six in the morning, when the sky was growing lighter but the sun hadn't yet breached the horizon. A team of doctors and nurses rushed into Blaine's room and tried to resuscitate him, swarming around his body with machines and needles and tubes.

Next to the window, watching them, invisible, were two teenage boys. Kurt looked down at Blaine and smiled widely, showing off his teeth, and Blaine grinned back, bigger than he'd ever smiled in life. He laughed, loving being a teenager again, and Kurt's eyes shone.

"Come on," Kurt said, his voice broken with puberty but still ringing high and clear, "I want you to meet my parents."

They linked their hands and walked down the hall without looking back. Until they weren't anywhere at all.

**o0o**

Blaine Anderson was seventy-six when he first met Kurt Hummel and died.

Blaine Anderson was sixteen when he started to love forever.

It was always a Thursday.

* * *

**End notes:** That 'love forever' isn't a typo - I did not mean 'live'.

I figured if the Hummels died when Kurt was eight, there'd be a few things different in canon such as the New Directions not having enough members during series 1 to compete, and Blaine not really getting the chance to reconnect with Cooper.

Also, yes, the family Blaine gives his third dog to was indeed Rachel Berry and her husband (who is not Finn) and children, and also she lives outside New York because she's in her 70s now and has retired Broadway but is a guest speaker sometimes for lectures and things like that. Because I adore the idea of Klaineberry (now with Santana!) shenanigans in New York, and this was as close as I could get ('this' being 'Blaine and Rachel were both on Broadway and still became pals!').

**Credit:** Floss the border collie is actually the character in a children's book, _Floss_, by Kim Lewis.


End file.
